chikaidestroyer | ∞ 30: A foolish child | record unhackable after the fact

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∞ 30: A foolish child | record unhackable after the fact

[There's a little redheaded boy, about eight years old, standing outside house #42. He's loosely holding his journal as he looks around Luceti with wide, wide eyes. He also looks on edge.]

This isn't ... Gregminster...

Mother...? Father...?

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[That'll only make him laugh.]

Heard 'em before, more than once, and far more succinctly.

[And then a smile, bitter and twisted.]

That's a fact. Most of the time, I'm grateful.

I'm eight years old. I think I'm quite advanced for my age.

And most of the time, it sounds like you're angry.

Of course you are; how could you not be? A regular genius, heh. But just think of what you can do in sixteen years.

Oh, there's plenty of anger, Al. Just ... not at our dissimilarities.

At war in the far north of the continent, against whatever forces you're with.

I'm sure. You seem to deride me at any opportunity.

Something like that.

Is that what it seems like? Well then, take a good look at what your personal training created. Count it among father and grandfather's personal successes -- heh, even your own if you like. A note from the future; your little trick worked. I can't stand the sight of you, you stupid, selfish jerk.

...You're doing what you want to do, aren't you? I don't see why you can be so bitter.

[Nothing but bitter laughter in response to that, not for a small eternity.]

Is that what it looks like to you?

Yes. [Quite bluntly for a child.]

[The laughter abruptly ends, then, punctuated by absolute silence.]

You've still got a lot to learn, Al.

[Albert frowns, but it's an awkward silence for him.]

What are you talking about, Caesar?

[Caesar just shrugs, sighing.]

That, you cannot understand. Nor do I have any desire to explain the course of our lives, warped and tangled as they are, to you now.

This ... this is not freedom, Albert. More a mockery of it. Hatred and jealousy may be comforting to you -- but it is a bitter, pointless thing.

I see. So, instead ... I'm going to have to live with the fact that I ruined your life.

Is that what you're saying?

[Caesar's expression twists at those words into something raw, pained.]

As my existence seems to have ruined yours?

.

You -- no, we -- are just the weapons of their shaping. I don't think you can realize, not now, how deeply those weapons can wound.

Enjoy this ignorance while it lasts, Al ... please.

You idiot. You're so stupid.

Ignorance is what got me into all of this, isn't it? For thinking I need to be the perfect one.

But at some point, that has to change. At some point, it becomes my choice to keep on being the perfect one. Grandfather and Father can only guide so much.

I keep thinking things will change once I go to Soledt.

You've said that already.

Good intentions, I suspect. Still ... what's done is done, Albert. The future is what it is for you, but it's already my history. Knowledge won't change anything.

But you're right. At some point, I'm sure the decision was yours.

[ooc: Things are going to be awfully odd once they talk post-experiment, aren't they?]

It's worth repeating.

I guess so. Maybe it wasn't something I should have mentioned, then. I'm sure there's a reason you didn't know.

If you say so.

I never understood you, Al. The harder I'd try, the more unfathomable you'd make yourself. What choice did I have but to turn my back?

I was just following your example, you know.

Maybe I didn't want you to know how badly I messed everything up. [Of course, he's not aware of how much his older self's been saying "I was never a good brother to you."] Because that's apparently what ends up happening.

...It seems like a stupid example, hearing it from you now.

Well, you should be pleased to note you did a fantastic job at hiding your own feelings of inadequacy.

The clarity of hindsight. Or foresight, I suppose.

I wouldn't be a good Silverberg if I couldn't hide my feelings. [Why yes, he realizes there's some irony in what he's saying. Good going, little Albert.]

For all the good it'll do.

So confusing the hell out of everyone around with them makes you just what kind of Silverberg, then?

Well. At least I feel a little more ... informed.

I have no idea. A dysfunctional one? [...He laughs a little.] Or maybe a genius, like Grandfather.

Don't worry about what you can't change, Caesar. Nothing good will come of it.

Something like that, I'm sure. I guess ... well, you're smart where it counts, huh?

[He offers a wistful smile; it looks strained, but genuine.]

That goes for you too, you know. More you, I think. All these questions you're asking ... the answers can only upset you. Maybe I can't change, things, but I ... well, I can try to not be so ignorant, you know.

Of course I am. It's not wonder great things are expected of me. [Why no, that was not just some ego-stroking over there.]

...Then I won't ask. I guess everything has its own time, its own place.

The truth is rarely easy to swallow.

[Caesar's only response to that is a snort.]

Thank you.

∞ 30: A foolish child | record unhackable after the fact

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