chikaidestroyer | ∞ 83: A chronicle of life and death [action]

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∞ 83: A chronicle of life and death [action]

[What a wonderful afternoon. The sun is shining, the sky has cleared up, and the ground is drying after two days of rain. And Albert is around the village today, weaving through the streets and between houses and even to the edges of the forest.

Little do people know that Albert received a beautiful flower last night, and he happened to smell it. When he awoke up the morning, getting out of his room proved to be an ... arduous battle. And getting out the front door? Well, he had at least discovered what a doorknob was by then.

He has a vague, wondrous look on his face as he looks at swaying tree branches and flowers he would have otherwise ignored. His hair is in slight disarray, as if he had rolled out of bed and fought his way through a bedroom door. His clothes are in a similar state, and notably the same as the ones he had been wearing last night.

This isn't strange at all.

He will be wandering around for the entire afternoon. Attempts to talk to or capture the 6'1" strategist will be bizarre. ...And he won't be returned home until sunset or so.]

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[He's... eating. And he complemented the food. But it's also possible that he's just so distracted that he's not tasting it. ... But at least he's eating. Raine doesn't really know what to think about that. She pours him a cup of juice and moves to set it on the island next to him.]

... You're welcome. How are you feeling? Aside from... restless.

[He continues to eat for a minute before responding, setting the fork down.] I feel ... all right, physically. But my head is... When I think, I feel anxious. I have too much time to think of. There's too much time. Too much...

[He stops, seeming to realize that he's beginning to panic; his breath had come just a little too fast, and his hands had begun to clench.]

[When he begins to panic, she finds herself automatically rubbing slowly at his shoulder.] Your ordeal... completely messed with your sense of time as it should be. We'll have to find a way to make that ... adjustment easier.

...Yes. [It's a confirmation that he can at least follow Raine's train of thought. He had come to a similar understanding earlier, but it didn't seem to help.] I know ... that it's wrong. But I feel out of control. I want that simpler ... life ... back.

[He stares blankly again, shaking his head.] I can't seem to ... convince myself that this is real.

... It hasn't been very long since you were cured. That unfortunately plays a very strong factor in... everything, right now.

[She falls quiet for a moment, though continues rubbing his shoulder.] What do you recall, about it? From when it first happened, to... now. What about it... makes it seem more real?

[He finally looks at Raine's hand on his shoulder, sighing faintly.] It was an entire life. Birth, life, death. Too fast for human understanding. [He pauses.]

I recall ... being happy. Carefree. And when I closed my eyes at the end of the day, I was content with how my life had gone.

[She's quiet, listening as he speaks, keeping her hand in place. A cycle of life and death, all within the space of a day.

...]

You... seemed happy. Curious, about every new thing, even though you couldn't communicate to us just what it was, that you were experiencing...

... And now your own shoes must feel too big to fill, after something like that.

I don't know. [He clenches one hand as he forces himself to think.] When I think about it... When I truly think about it, part of me is ... speechless. That I could be happy that way.

... You're out of touch with... with who you were. Who you are. A lifetime between. It's still too fresh, right now... but eventually that gap must be bridged. If there's a lesson in any of that... you could bring it with you.

[His eyes journey upward to Raine's face. There's something ... old and confused in his expression.]

A lesson.

[Her expression is slightly pained. She's at a loss, here. The words flow, but from where? She doesn't know.]

What else could you take from the experience? Once you start to make progress, I don't doubt that you'll be more likely to reject what happened. You may even become... angry at yourself. Frustrated for being out of control. As the time passes it may even be difficult to accept that it even happened at all.

[He listens. Or he seems to, though there's a twitch to one brow as he feels overwhelmed by what Raine is posing. Speaking of long-term effects. A long stretch of time he hadn't had to deal with in his last "life." How long...]

I can't think. I can't-- think.

[He sounds distressed, and he has barely scratched the surface of how much this would affect his way of life.]

Shh. Careful now. [The distress in his voice alarms her, but hers is forced calm. Soothing.] You're not alone. Just stay with me. Please.

You say... that you can't think. What is it that is happening?

Too much time. ...There's too much time to think about. [Even answering questions requires too much thought, and he forces himself to stop talking. He shuts his eyes, focusing instead on steadying his breathing.]

[She rubs his back without realizing it, lowering herself so she's more eye level.]

Take a few breaths. Maybe eat a little more, as well, before it's too cold.

[He's very tense as Raine rubs his back, and he leans forward against the counter to steady himself. It takes several moments before he gingerly picks up his fork and starts eating again. He achieves a numb, almost automatic cycle of bringing food up to his mouth, similar to how he had eaten the crackers last night.

If he doesn't have to think for awhile, he might be able to calm down.]

[Raine stops her actions once she becomes aware that her attempts at comforting him are only making him more tense - and she's reminded of yesterday evening, those expressions of panic. She steps away and lets him finish eating... and starts straightening up the kitchen instead.

To fill the time.]

[Before he knows it, Albert has finished the meal prepared for him. He sets down his fork, staring at the plate. The longer he stared, the longer he dwelt on specific thoughts.]

I don't know what to do with myself now.

"Do"?

[She moves over to get his plate, but stops and looks down at him.]

You feel as if... you need to be doing something?

[He doesn't say anything to Raine's questions, though it's evident on his face that thinking about her questions causes him stress.]

Everything ... moves so slowly. There's too much time to fill. Nothing to fill it with.

Do you... remember how it was before? Are you truly... that detached?

... It was the night before, wasn't it? When this started. It wasn't just the morning. Tell me what you last remember. Before - before it started. Please.

[He's silent as he recalls. One, two, three lives ago? Dreams. Vague and yet vivid.] ...A flower. Rune brought me a flower. A morning glory, differently colored. I ... brought it to my room when I retired.

[A morning glory. That fits with... everything somehow, and she smacks her hand against the base of the sink after setting his dishes in, ignoring the pain that shoots up from the impact. Those damn flowers.

And another thought struck her, almost as if he had said the words himself. Compromised. There was too much to work through. Too much... and who knew when that draft would be. Both she and Caesar would be gone. But maybe that was getting too ahead of the basic problem. They could only handle this as fast as Albert could go... and he'd need all the help he could get to build those bridges back.]

... In the evening. You were working on the campaign. It's been ... one of the more prevailing things on your mind for days. Is that... familiar at all?

Edited 2010-06-19 11:03 (UTC)

[The sound catches Albert's attention, and he stares at Raine almost questioningly. But he listens as she explains what he had been doing.]

I recall that. ...Yes, I remember that. But it's-- I can't focus for such a task. Not now.

... I know.

I just... you need something grounding. Stable. You have to come back to this reality. If we need to find you something to fill up the time, if that will help ... then... we'll do that.

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