chikaidestroyer | Appointments

[Flick goes the light switch as she makes her way toward the sink to wash her face. In her room she could get by with the ambient light, not so here. After patting her face and hands dry with a small washcloth, she takes in the sounds from the kitchen, considering them.

She turns the switch off before stepping back into the hall, and as she walks down, she absently realizes that familiar sense of a headache had crept up on her. Was it hunger? Possibly, even if she didn't feel it. The cat nudges her to keep moving, even as she glances back at her bedroom door with the inclination to go back in and... and what? Put a pillow over her head? It wouldn't do any good, but it wasn't as if anything was. So she continues on.

By the time she makes it around the screen to the open dining room area, those cut up vegetables would already be in the soup.]

Edited 2014-09-13 13:02 (UTC)

[She was taking her time. It was an idle observation as he set aside each chopped vegetable as he got through it, and he checked on the water from time to time before beginning to add everything together.

Beyond the sounds that were normal for moving around the kitchen, he could hear again the creaking of floorboard, this time accompanied by the occasional little sound from Lia -- a huff, a "mrrr" as she pushed against Raine's legs. The cat had turned out to be a quiet ally in ushering Raine around the house.

But it was enough noise for him to speak through the opening of the kitchen towards them.]

Has the house been quiet while I was out?

[He doesn't ask "Has everything been okay?" for obvious reasons.]

[Still moving slowly, she makes her way towards a seat in the kitchen, while considering the question. She almost forgets to answer, throat dry, but she swallows and finds her voice.]

If you don't count Lia just now.

[It's almost a pale attempt at humor, as she spares the cat a glance, but for the moment Lia just seems content to sit at Raine's feet, now that she succeeded in nudging her all the way here. Eventually she'll wander off for water, but not now.

Raine's gaze finds the tabletop.]

It's been... difficult to rest. Even with the quiet.

The quiet probably doesn't help, in other ways.

[It's as empathetic as he tends to get during conversations, though he finishes fiddling with the soup and sets it to boil before setting his attention on Raine.]

We will need to find a way to keep your mind off things. Before it seriously starts affecting your health.

[That level of tension wouldn't be good for anyone.]

[She presses her palms to the table top, spreads her fingers, then slides them together, before drawing them closed back toward her.]

I doubt that school is a real possibility for anyone right now. Eventually, I'll have to go to the shop again and... take care of things there.

[But she'll wither, if things continue as they are. She feels herself withering, and she doesn't know how much of that is imagined. How much of it is a reminder -- and she intakes a breath of air sharply, eyes and fingers closed tight, in that attempt to stave off the intrusive thoughts.

And then, very softly:]

I don't know if that will be enough.

It doesn't seem like enough, when everything is still fresh.

[Her words are met with a certain grimness as he's reminded of the time following his encounter with the morning glory mushi.]

All you can do is keep yourself from standing still.

[He rests his back against the edge of the counter as he continues.]

Has a notice been put up for the school? From you or one of the other teachers?

Well... I had specifically told Helios that he would have to take time off, considering his injuries. I haven't checked in with anyone else... but it is my responsibility to take the initiative where that's concerned, anyway.

[Responsibility, the word nearly sticks in her throat, but she forces herself to continue the line of thought.] I'll... do something.

Send a request to one of the other teachers to do it. Or even one of your assistant or tutors. Let them think about the wording; you won't get very far in your current state.

[He pauses, glancing at Raine and then to the chairs. A silent suggestion to sit down.]

Have you been doing anything today?

[She frowns a little, taking in the first statement. Her 'current state'?]

Not really. I made tea, but... it went cold before I could drink it.

[That probably said a lot about her current state. She follows his gaze to the chair and after considering it, finally sinks down into it.]

[Her reply is confirmation to his observations; the slowness with which she's been doing would likely carry into any attempt to write -- not to mention the myriad of emotions she was currently feeling.]

Still no appetite, then?

[She lowers her head, shaking it as she looks back down at the table.]

Not at all. Heh, you'd think I'd be starving, after how limited our supplies were. [She tries to make light of it, but it falls flat.]

I suppose that would be one way to bring your appetite back.

[A morose joke right back, though it's followed by a quick shake of his head. Such thoughts wouldn't really help matters.]

Has there been anything you have felt like doing today?

[It was important to keep track of what could possibly stimulate her back into some form of normal activity.]

["Felt like". She's quiet for a moment, maybe longer than she should be, as she turns the phrase over in her mind and rethinks the day. She shakes her head.]

... I can't say there has been. Not aside from sleeping, but that hasn't been much of a help. I've... considered my responsibilities, but ... well, we've talked about that.

[The fact that not everyone - including herself - is likely to feel up to going to school, and a plan to handle that besides. Absently she traces a pattern out on the table in front of her. Horizontal oval with a circle inside. The motion repeats.]

As for the rest, I don't have enough energy to get out to the shop, and ... not enough for Grune, either. Or Vash, goodness.

Beyond your responsibilities.

[It's clarification, considering how Raine's mind keeps going back to those things. His voice remains calm as he walks over to one of the cabinets to get himself a glass.]

Something more basic. Wanting to drink something. Reading. Taking a bath.

[Simpler things. Her shoulders relax slightly, though she still absently traces that odd pattern.]

I made tea after I fed Lia. [She remembers now. It was with that same slow shuffle it had taken her to get to the kitchen this time.] I never did drink it. There was a book, but... I couldn't focus on it at all. Those aren't basic things, that's... going through motions.

They are basic things. [He looks over from where he is collecting a wine bottle from the corner of the kitchen counter.] Don't think so little of them when attempting your responsibilities at this stage would be "going through motions" as well.

[His expression is thoughtful, if still reserved in that way of his.]

If you are allowing yourself to deal with what happened, as opposed to pushing it to the side for the sake of the draft, it's understandable.

[Not ideal, but understandable.]

Now that we're not on the draft, there's just no side to put it to, Albert.

[Her gaze lifts, her hand briefly pausing it's motion to press down flat on the table's surface.]

He rewound time, but those of us who went out there to die -- the dying is still with us. At least it is for me, I can't speak for the others. I can't -- focus on how to live when all I can see and feel are the echoes of that -- that death.

It's not focusing on how to live. It's making the attempt.

[He talks as he opens the bottle and begins to pour into his glass.]

It is going to be overwhelming. You will despair and, perhaps, you will be frustrated with yourself, if you have that in you. But the point is that you continue attempting those basics.

The attempt...

[She has to let that sink in, as she shifts her gaze with a thoughtful expression.]

The attempt to... go through motions. I've... been going through motions for a long time now. I wonder if that's why it's even more difficult now. To acknowledge... even the little things that I must take for granted. Some kind of... spark, out of this fog.

It's easy to do, in this place. [Albert's head moves slightly in agreement.] If the world isn't constantly shifting around us, we are stagnating in some definition of normalcy. The simplest day-to-day actions don't register.

[A moment silence. He sets down the wine bottle and looks at its remaining contents quietly.] Think of it as when we first tackled your research and sleeping habits. You had to acknowledge there was an issue, and then rebuild from the ground up.

Back then... [She closes her eyes for a moment, taking a deeper breath at the flicker of memories.] I was more... driven, then. Even if it was for the wrong reasons. Although... that was when you taught me to ride, with Astrid. Those rides always... helped, even if thinking of them now also feels... exhausting.

[A pause. Her finger idly traces the pattern again before she flattens her palm against the table.] But... perhaps that could be a -- a goal. A larger goal, of the smaller ones I'll have to face to get there.

[Because right now, that feels almost like an insurmountable mountain. There's a slight slump to her shoulders as she attempts to contemplate that process. Her hand returns to tracing the pattern.]

Riding on Astrid again? Yes, I suppose that would be a large goal at this point. Stepping outside of the house and taking a walk would be a goal as well.

[He makes a brief motion with one hand before stopping the wine bottle and picking up his wineglass.]

Like you said, thinking of them might be exhausting right now. So do not focus relentlessly on those thoughts; that will only frustrate you more.

I should be striving to overcome this. [Her gaze flickers down to her hand, and she watches herself make that pattern repeatedly.] Grateful that I can draw breath. I shouldn't... hide away from the frustration.

[As much as she wants to. As much as being out there having a conversation is taking every ounce of her limited willpower.]

Should be striving, yes. But considering where you may be emotionally, too much frustration can be just as demoralizing as hiding away from it.

[She forces her palms flat on the table again, and is quiet for a moment.]

Either way, I'm... still at a loss, right now. It might be nice to just ... not think about any of this. [But she's always thinking.]

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